Porn Disposal

July 2003

On a recent business trip, I took a stack of porn mags with me with the intention of getting rid of them somehow. I wasn’t sure how, but you may have read the letter I wrote a porn_drawerafter staying at a Bradford Homesuites where I had found a porn magazine in my hotel room. Bradford Homesuites never responded with another letter, but someone from the hotel did call me and gave me some lame excuse about housekeeping overlooking the fact that a porn magazine had been left there beside the Gideon Bible by a previous guest. I can tell you that I was thinking of writing another version to the next hotel I stayed at, and all of this, of course, gave an idea: What is there were A LOT of porn in my hotel room? There would be no way for housekeeping to overlook the fact that the room had about 15 porn magazines in a nightstand drawer!

So there I was, sitting in the hotel with a stack of porn I needed to get rid of. I hadn’t quite decided how I was going to dispose the porn, but I was constantly thinking of ways to do it. A good idea would eventually come to me, and since I would be there all week, I had time. The first morning as I was leaving the room, I morning_papernoticed that someone had left a USA Today newspaper right outside my door. I looked up and down the hall and noticed that a paper was lying on the floor in front of most of the rooms. About this time, an idea started brewing and I knew what I must do: I had to leave porn at every door, like it had been delivered with this morning paper.

In order to do this properly, I would need to document this shenanigan with pictures for the website. I would first have to figure out when the papers were delivered. So that Monday night (or rather Tuesday morning), I didn’t go to bed until 4:30 AM. After all, I have a lot of friends in Dallas that I don’t get to hang out with much, so whenever I go there on business, I don’t sleep, I just play with my friends all night. The papers were not there that early, so I guessed that they had to be delivered around 5:00 AM or shortly after. Tuesday night, I explained to my friend what we had to do and I had him stay over (it was almost like fate that they gave me a room with two king-sized beds). We crashed at 3:30 AM, but I set the alarm clock for 5:00 AM. When the alarm went off, I got up and looked outside. Sure enough, there were the papers. I woke my friend up and I went to work as he took the pictures. I placed about 15 porn magazines under newspapers up and down the hall in the hotel. I remembered to put one under my own door, just to throw off any suspicions.

I wasn’t done there, this was only the start! My alarm went off at 8:00 AM and the next thing I could hear outside was a lot of Spanish. I don’t know Spanish, but let me describe in text what I heard the best way I can:

“Habla blaho blaho blaho gibberisheo mucho PORNOGRAPHICO blaho blaho blaho gibberisho PORNOGRAPHICO!!”

I looked out the peep hole and what I say was two Hispanic housekeepers running up and down the hall looking under every newspaper! Boy did I laugh at that! My plan was playing out nicely. I knew that at least one guest had to have found his porn and conporn_disposal_01tacted the front desk or management. I showered, got dressed, and left. I came back from lunch, curious to see if some notice had been left on my door concerning the porn issue, but I saw nothing. I thought it might be good to address the issue with management, so I called the front desk from my room. Some guy answered the phone. Let’s call him Steve.

Steve answers the phone, “Marriott Courtyard, this is Steve, may I help you?”

I nail back, “Yeah, Steve, this is Mr. Cuda in room 239. Listen here, I’ve really got a bone to pick with you about something that happened this morning. Look, I got up and opened the door to get my paper, and I noticed that some pornographic magazine called Barely Legal was left along with the paper. It looked like some sort of kiddie porn that you hear these perverts getting arrested for on the Internet or something. What’s going on here?!”

Steve retorts, “Uh, sir, I don’t know anything about this…”

I shoot back, “Yeah, right, you’re leaving illegal kiddie porn on my doorstep and all of a sudden you don’t know anything about it? Well, surprise surprise!”

Steve then transfers me to the customer relations manager, Holly. Her voice mail answers the phone, and I leave a message about the kiddie porn, stating how bamboozled and flabbergasted I was over it all, mentioning that Marriott was a Christian establishment, and wanting some sort of explanation. Then I leave for the rest of the day.

When I came home that night, I had a voice mail from Holly explaining that somehow, me and one other guest had pornographic magazines mistakenly delivered to our rooms. She explained that the newspaper delivery truck also delivered magazines to stores, and while in transit, these magazines had shuffled into the newspapers and were delivered by accident. That’s all she said. How funny, huh?

So here’s the letter I wrote to them a few days after I got back home:


July 29th, 2003

Marriott Courtyard Plano Legacy Park
6840 North Dallas Parkway
Plano, Texas 75024

Dear Manager of Guest Relations:

I’m not really sure how to even begin this letter. Let me first say that I am stunned, shocked, bewildered, offended, disgusted, and flabbergasted. The cause of these strong and overwhelming emotions stem from the fact that during my stay at your hotel last week, unsolicited pornographic material was delivered to my room one morning under my USA Today newspaper.

Just like every morning during my stay, I opened the door to my room to retrieve my newspaper. On Wednesday, July 23rd I picked up the paper and to my horror, I noticed that there was a copy of a pornographic magazine called Barely Legal lying under the paper on the floor. The cover of this magazine depicted a very young girl with her naked breast exposed and her thumb and index fingers pinching and stretching her nipples. It was most obviously a XXX hardcore pornographic magazine, and I feared that it was child pornography to boot. Utterly shocked, I immediately threw my paper back on the floor over the porn and went back into my room. I wasn’t sure what to do. I couldn’t believe that such material was being delivered to my room like this. After getting dressed, I decided to address the issue by taking the magazine to the front lobby and express to management my disgust. However, in the time that had passed in dressing, someone had actually stolen the magazine from under my paper. It was apparent that other people in the hotel knew about the delivery. I would assume that some pervert was running around and collecting the porn for himself; but then again, it could have been anyone, even a child. Again, I was at a loss as to how to address this issue with management due to the fact that I had no proof that the porn was ever there.

I had a meeting to attend that morning, but I came back to the room during lunch. At that time, I called the front desk to address the issue. I was transferred to someone named Holly and was forced to leave a voice mail. I had to leave again for some more meetings and did not return until later that night. When I got back into the room, I had a message from Holly. She was actually aware of the situation and acknowledged that the porn was delivered to me and one other guest. She explained that it was delivered by accident, that somehow the porn and the newspaper was on the same truck and somehow the two got mixed up in transit. I immediately thought this response was far fetched. The porn was not in the newspaper; it was under the newspaper, so it was most obviously not a mistake in being delivered.

Initially, I was going to let the matter go with the assumption that it was an isolated incident; however, I inadvertently became aware that pornographic material delivery was not limited to me and only one other guest as Holly had stated in her voice mail. Late afternoon on Thursday, I was swimming when I overheard a conversation taking place with four other guests by the pool. These guests were discussing the delivery of porn with their newspapers. I questioned the group about the subject, and come to find out, each one of these guest had received differing titles of hardcore pornographic magazines with their paper the prior morning. I had relayed to them what Holly had told me in my voice mail explaining the matter was an apparent a mix-up which occurred in the delivery truck with the porn magazines accidentally sliding under the newspapers. However, these guests all stated that this explanation was wholly improbable. These guests had picked up their magazines and they stated that each of the issues were several years old. Since none of the magazines were current issues, the distributor would not be delivering outdated issues to magazine stands.

Although I don’t always lodge in a Marriott every time I travel, I have enjoyed my stays in the past due to the fact that the hotels appeared to be operated by moral people. I don’t think that’s the case anymore. I feel that there has been an attempt to sweep this issue under the rug, and I simply can not allow that to happen. I know that the explanation to this matter that I was given by Holly via voicemail was entirely fabricated beside the fact that it wasn’t believable to begin with. This porn delivery was no accident and was most definitely not isolated to only a couple of guests. Ultimately, I left last week absolutely disgusted, knowing that my morals had been violated and I had been lied to.

Overall, I need someone to describe to me in writing why the porn was delivered in the hotel. I want the truth and not some made up bogus explanation. Keep in mind that I am not a person that you can easily fool, so please do not attempt to patronize me. Pending the response to this matter, I will postpone reporting this issue to the appropriate authorities.

Sincerely,

BarryACudaSignature


Marriott’s Response:

September 8, 2003

Dear Mr. Cuda:

I received a copy of your letter from Marriott Guest Relations on 9/6, and wanted to respond directly to you. As stated in your letter, your concern about the materials delivered to your room was fully researched by Holly, our Guest Care Manager. Holly took immediate action and began interviewing Marriott Associates to obtain factual data. When the interviews were complete, no Marriott Associates acknowledged seeing or hearing anything about the delivery of pornography. The Marriott would never condone the delivery of any unapproved materials to a hotel guest. When Holly was through interviewing Marriott Associates, she then contacted the newspaper delivery company. When she spoke to the dispatcher, he speculated that perhaps the materials had been accidentally mixed with the newspapers. When Holly left you the voice mail, she simply had no logical explanation, and innocently passed on the dispatcher’s story as a possible cause.

On 7/28, another guest checking out stated that he thought the materials were part of a prank carried out by one of his colleagues. If this is what happened, our staff would have been unaware of the prank. The materials in question were placed underneath the newspaper and out of view from any Marriott Associates. Although it is unfortunate that this affected your stay by accident, the hotel had no knowledge of it until you came by the Front Desk and informed us.

Mr. Cuda, we share your concern about materials such as these present in a reputable chain like Marriott. I assure you that no Marriott Associate would ever be allowed to engage in the delivery of these materials to a guest. The Plano Legacy Courtyard by Marriott has a long history of providing excellent service to its customers and there are no incidents on file with circumstances similar to yours.

It is unfortunate that someone partook in this behavior which affected your stay, and Marriott would like to prevent such an occurrence if made aware of the problem in advance. We sincerely appreciate your feedback and share your concern about this occurrence.

Sincerely,

Lynn A. Martin
General Manager


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