I read a news story where a single mother in South Carolina had her 12-year-old son arrested and taken to jail for opening the Christmas present his grandmother put under the tree for him early.
The present was actually intended for the boy. It was a Nintendo Game Boy Advance.
She’s a dumb bitch…
Therefore, I found this woman’s mailing address and sent her the following letter offering some valuable suggestions and such.
December 11, 2006
432 Oates St.
Rock Hill, SC 29730
RE: Your delinquent son and the Nintendo Game Boy
Dear Ms. Ervin,
After reading that you had your twelve year-old son arrested and thrown in jail for tearing into his grandmother’s gift to him early because he couldn’t wait until Christmas to play the Nintendo Game Boy, I felt compelled to write to you.
I understand that the grandmother purchased a Game Boy Advance with the intention of giving it to your son for Christmas. Does she not know that the Nintendo DS (or better yet, the DS Lite) is the latest and greatest handheld from Nintendo, and that the DS has much better graphics than the Advance and is backwards compatible with all of the Advance games to boot? Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m assuming the grandmother in question is your mother. No offense, but your mom needs to get with the program here. The Game Boy Advance is old news! I would suggest that you have your mother immediately return the Advance and exchange it for a DS Lite. I know your son would better appreciate her doing so and it will only make his Christmas merrier.
With that said, I would like to add that I understand your son’s uncontrollable need to play video games. I’m a grown man in my upper fifties, a law abiding citizen, and I have been playing video games daily since the release of Pong back in the 70s. Furthermore, while I’m a well respected pillar in my community, I can also safely say I’m addicted to video games (and maybe crack). Consequently, if I thought that my grandmother placed a new handheld video game under the Christmas tree for me, I would swipe that gift, carefully remove the wrapping paper, and commence to playing the game as soon as possible. When it comes to video games, that’s just the way I roll; nothing can stand between me and my need to play.
The only mistake your son made was not rewrapping the box the Game Boy came in so you and your mother wouldn’t have realized he had taken it before Christmas. After all, what’s the point of waiting to play a video game? Waiting is torture.
Anyway, I hope you, your mother, and especially your son have a Merry Christmas.