Hostess Cup-Cakes

May 17th, 2002

Interstate Brands Corporation
Consumer Affairs
12 E. Armour Blvd.
Kansas City, MO 64111

Subject: The “Boris the Bat” Hostess Cup Cake Commercial

To the insensitive idiots responsible for that damn commercial,

First, let me give you the scenario: My 1 ½ year old son and I are sitting in the living room watching SpongeBob SquarePants on Nickelodeon (a channel with programs geared for small children). Suddenly, a commercial appears with a frighteningly freaky bat flying around (this is your commercial).

I look over at my son. He’s shaking all over. Oddly, at the same time he is shaking, his mouth is wide open, as if he’s screaming, but no sound is coming out. Tears are welling up in his eyes. Finally, after about 10 seconds, the sound of his scream blasts from his little lungs with surprising intensity. It’s the most ear-piercing scream that you could imagine! The terror of the image on the television screen plagues my son’s mind for the next 30 minutes. Nothing seems to sooth him. He cries, screams, and flails himself on the floor.

After all, he had just been terrified beyond comprehension by a mindless Hostess cup cake commercial!

What in the Hell were you people thinking? Don’t you perform market research before you just send your commercials out for broadcast?! This is insane! This commercial has popped up three times in the past two weeks as my son was watching cartoons, each time with the same result. I wish you could see this. It’s awful! He’s now having nightmares!

I’d like to know what you suggest be done about this? I can monitor the programs that my kids watch, but I’m stumped as far as figuring out a way to keep your asinine “Boris the Bat” commercial from popping up whenever and wherever.

I am very serious about this. You are responsible for traumatizing my son with no promise that it will not happen again. I expect that you will swiftly come up with a way to fully make it up to my son for your thoughtless actions concerning this matter. If I have not received a reply containing some sort of resolution and/or compensation within 10 days of this letter, the next letter that will be sent on my end about this subject will come from my attorney.

Sincerely,

BarryACudaSignature


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