The Story Behind The Letters
It was shear boredom which possessed me to write my first prank letter back in early 1994. I was sitting around one day at the house, eating some Ruffles Potato Chips. No one else was home, it was raining outside, and the power was out. I got up and walked around the house and came to a stop at the old manual typewriter in the den. I sat down, stuck a sheet of blank paper in, and began typing it out using only my two index fingers. Still munching on the Ruffles, I easily found an address on the bag, and thus was born the first prank letter I ever wrote…
To this day, this letter evoked the best response out of anyone I have ever written a letter to. Unbelievably, Frito Lay sent some sort of investigator out, in person, to inquire about the raccoon incident at the Police Department in attempt to listen to the copy of the 911 call made concerning the raccoon attack, which of course didn’t exist because I had made it up. The Chief of Police (who knew me very well by this point) came by the house to try and get the skinny on what was going on. After I told him I had written the letter, he just shook his head laughing, then left.
After that, I thought it would probably be a good idea to use a fake name when I wrote letters. I was fond of telling people my name was “Barracuda” whenever I had to be put on a waiting list at restaurants. I don’t know where I came up with this; it’s just something I did, and the Barracuda has always been one of my favorite types of fish. Primarily, I got a kick out of listening to hostesses call out for “Barracuda, party of four?” inside a restaurant once my table was ready.
I figured that I needed to add a last name when signing letters, so I used “Jones”. Barracuda Jones. This name sort of stuck for a while and became somewhat of a nickname for me. But then I figured that a lot of letter recipients would never believe anything written from someone named Barracuda Jones. So, Barracuda Jones became B. Cuda, or sometimes Ms. B. Cuda.
Ultimately, I settled on Barry A. Cuda, with my entire name pronounced with a silent “y”. So now finally, it’s perfect.
When I started this, it was more or less for my own amusement as well as a good way to practice writing. You may find that some of my letters are really hilarious, and you may not find others not funny at all and completely offensive and vulgar. Keep in mind – Barry A. Cuda is many different characters rolled up into one.
Hope you enjoy, but if you don’t, then do something English and bugger off.