Christmas Shopping for My Dad

My dad is impossible to shop for.  No matter how much I have tried over the years to give him exactly the things I would think that he would like, he never seems to genuinely enjoy anything I (or anyone else) can come up with to give him.

Last year I got him one of those expensive bear-proof ice chests that will keep everything inside frozen for a month or so, even when left outside the shade under a blazing hot desert sun.  When I gave it to him for Christmas, he poorly acted as if he liked it.  Then during my Easter visit, he tried to give it back to me.

Worse, he will rarely respond with an answer when asked what he would like for Christmas.  If pressed hard enough, he will say, “Get me some bullets.” Nearly every other year, I have given my dad bullets or shotgun shells for Christmas.

Over a week ago, I asked my annual question, “Hey Dad!  What do you want for Christmas?  (and please do not reply with, ‘Nothing’)”

As of today, still no reply at all.

Nevertheless, I went to the local Academy Sporting+Outdoors store looking to get my dad his Christmas present earlier this afternoon. I spent a good half hour just walking up and down the ammunition isle, trying to figure out what gauge to get – he has a lot of guns with uncommon gauges.

‘I think he always asks for 15 gauge shells…I think.  There’s no 15 gauge shells here…  Shit. I don’t want to get the wrong gauge or shot again this year… Screw it.  No shells or bullets this year for my dad, I’ll find something else…’

I walked up and down ever isle in the store.  After over an hour of searching for something he might appreciate, I came up empty handed.  There wasn’t a damn thing in the store my dad would actually like.  And so I stood there, thinking…

‘If Dad isn’t going to really like anything I come up with to give him, and a fairly good possibility that whatever I give him, he’ll offer it back to me a few months later, then I might as well get him something I’d like to get for Christmas myself!’

So this year, I’m giving my dad this bad-ass Cold Steel Gladius Machete:


I sure hope he hates it!


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